Conversion Carnival

My old church hosted a Family Festival recently, or as I preffered to call it, a "Conversion Carnival".  I'm sure you've seen signs for similar events in your own community: Family Easter Egg Hunt, Vacation Bible School, Trunk-or-Treat, Harvest Festival, etc...

Regardless of the theme, the goal is to lure unsuspecting victims...oh, excuse me, uh...I mean friends and neighbors from the community into the church, expose them to christian culture, and proselytize them.

I remember participating in similar events...  Pious Jenny went about with syrupy sweetness dripping from her lips,

always a kind word, a vapid smile anchored to her face.  Her ears attuned for the perfect segue, infusing her conversations with godly wisdom, *TING*!  According to scripture, she was responsible for being a witness to the lost. If she missed an opportunity to lead someone to Jesus, and they were never presented with the gospel again, their blood would be on Jenny's hands.  Pious Jenny learned this at a young age and carried this burden with great care...

The evening before the festival my husband volunteered to help, so I had to bring our youngest girls to him on my way to work.  Just before I left the house I got a text saying that he might not be there when I arrived and to leave the girls with friends at the church until he got back.  Sigh...  The last thing I wanted was to see old friends and be fawned over, "It's so good to see you!  I miss you!".  Thankfully, the few people there when I arrived were preoccupied with setting up equipment and our interactions were brief, whew....but that left me in a quandry, I really didn't have anyone the girls felt comfortable staying with.  Sigh...I was stuck until hubby returned.    

I hadn't been inside the church for a couple of years so, I went inside to see if there were any changes.  My eyes adjusted to the light in the foyer and I saw that there was new carpeting, new paint, and the old shelves and coat racks had been removed, definitely an improvement. I wanted to see the nursery next, since I had spent countless hours there with my children.  Ergonomically, much better.  The new mural...um...yeah...I'm pretty sure whoever painted the new one painted the previous one.  Noah's ark needs a rest.

A wave of sadness washed over me, I was mourning the loss of community all over again.  I had stopped attending church five years ago because I couldn't sit through the sermons without feeling like I was suffocating.  I began to understand what emotional manipulation was.  Most Sundays, what I heard was myriad ways that I fell short of God's standard.  Believe me, I knew it FAR too well.  I studied the bible for years using a concordance, a bible dictionary, and listening to countless preachers on the radio.  I read books on: womanhood, marriage, parenting, etc...  I wanted to live a life pleasing to God, but the more I studied the more I realized that it was unattainable.  My hand was continually slapped away, "you're doing it wrong!"  No matter how hard I tried, there was always the call to self-annihilation.  The only good in me stemmed from Jesus.  Without him, I was worthless.  

I wish this was an exaggeration, but I sat through countless bible studies and heard many of my brothers and sisters in Christ expressing this same feeling, "I am nothing without Christ.  I fall short, thank God that I can approach his throne because, ...Jesus."  Hearing people I respected and loved expressing their worthlessness contributed to my awakening.  I heard the pain in their voices and I hurt for them too.  There was something wrong with this picture, but I couldn't put my finger on it...