Mushroom Cloud Christianity
I raised my children as Christians. We attended church, went to Sunday School, participated in AWANA and youth group. Parenting bible studies, mens' bible studies, women's...you name it, hubby and I were there. Then there were the daily devotions during homeschool, even singing hymns. We welcomed every opportunity to "grow in God's grace, not in disgrace". As if our involvement in church wasn't enough, we homeschooled. Church culture is a bubble unto itself, but throw in homeschooling, "Christian homeschool" that is, and you get a mushroom cloud of Christian culture. We could go for days, weeks, close to a month without socializing with "unbelievers". Can you say "my-op-ic"? Culture, world events, relationships, even business interactions were viewed through this lens. It was almost impossible to view things from a non-christian view. Things were black or white. There was room for sympathy, but empathy? That was a challenge.
Check out Brene Brown on "Sympathy VS Empathy"- https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw
I don't mean to sound harsh, I was guilty of group-think. Pick a topic, any topic: abortion, homosexuality, addiction, infidelity, etc... I may not have verbalized it, but I would have judged these actions, or even "wrong thinking" (hates the sin, love the sinner) and my heart would be heavy thinking, "if they only knew"... In my heart of hearts I believed in how we were created in the image of God, the need for accountability (you made your bed...), the need to be right with God and how much it pained Him to see us hurt because of our own sinful choices. Sure, I had sympathy, I thought it was enough. What I lacked was empathy.
"Sympathy is a window; empathy a mirror." ~Jenny-Lynn
Marriage is a covenant with God. Short of domestic violence or adultery, there is no room for divorce. What is a covenant, you say? An agreement, a legally binding agreement. But when a Christian uses the word "covenant", it implies a holy, eternally binding agreement with the Almighty. To break a covenant with God is to commit a mortal sin. Pretty cut and dry, if you ask me, or so I thought..
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No one in my circle of friends had ever been divorced. Our circle consisted of four friends: two of us attended church together, the others went to two different churches, but we all homeschooled and our children were all close in age. We would spend time together, sharing our struggles with homeschooling, parenting, marriage, womanhood, etc... Only one of us had a spouse that was not a believer, as a matter of fact he was an atheist and could be downright antagonistic to my friend. He didn't interfere with my friend raising their children to be Christians, but he would pull some passive-aggressive shit that would make my blood boil. My friend was constantly being beat down, mentally and emotionally. Verbally, not so much, because he never talked!!! She tried everything a godly woman could to love her husband, support him, and help him. But the distance between them grew greater, and my friend was drained. She finally discovered some reading material he left laying around, on how to get a divorce. That was it, she knew there was no going back.
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I was there for two of her hearings. I spent a lot of time at her house, and she at mine. I offered an ear to chew, and a shoulder to cry on. All the while, my "biblical" conviction about divorce was being turned on its head, and empathy began to put down roots. I used to view people who were divorced as "broken", but here I was, witnessing divorce (painful as it was) restore my friend's sense of self and self-worth. She emerged with dignity, strength, and grace. This was revolutionary.
Check out Brene Brown on "Sympathy VS Empathy"- https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw
I don't mean to sound harsh, I was guilty of group-think. Pick a topic, any topic: abortion, homosexuality, addiction, infidelity, etc... I may not have verbalized it, but I would have judged these actions, or even "wrong thinking" (hates the sin, love the sinner) and my heart would be heavy thinking, "if they only knew"... In my heart of hearts I believed in how we were created in the image of God, the need for accountability (you made your bed...), the need to be right with God and how much it pained Him to see us hurt because of our own sinful choices. Sure, I had sympathy, I thought it was enough. What I lacked was empathy.
"Sympathy is a window; empathy a mirror." ~Jenny-Lynn
Marriage is a covenant with God. Short of domestic violence or adultery, there is no room for divorce. What is a covenant, you say? An agreement, a legally binding agreement. But when a Christian uses the word "covenant", it implies a holy, eternally binding agreement with the Almighty. To break a covenant with God is to commit a mortal sin. Pretty cut and dry, if you ask me, or so I thought..
.
No one in my circle of friends had ever been divorced. Our circle consisted of four friends: two of us attended church together, the others went to two different churches, but we all homeschooled and our children were all close in age. We would spend time together, sharing our struggles with homeschooling, parenting, marriage, womanhood, etc... Only one of us had a spouse that was not a believer, as a matter of fact he was an atheist and could be downright antagonistic to my friend. He didn't interfere with my friend raising their children to be Christians, but he would pull some passive-aggressive shit that would make my blood boil. My friend was constantly being beat down, mentally and emotionally. Verbally, not so much, because he never talked!!! She tried everything a godly woman could to love her husband, support him, and help him. But the distance between them grew greater, and my friend was drained. She finally discovered some reading material he left laying around, on how to get a divorce. That was it, she knew there was no going back.
.
I was there for two of her hearings. I spent a lot of time at her house, and she at mine. I offered an ear to chew, and a shoulder to cry on. All the while, my "biblical" conviction about divorce was being turned on its head, and empathy began to put down roots. I used to view people who were divorced as "broken", but here I was, witnessing divorce (painful as it was) restore my friend's sense of self and self-worth. She emerged with dignity, strength, and grace. This was revolutionary.
"I offered an ear to chew" - Jen, your explanation of the difference between empathy vs sympathy is very well done. Was the collapse of your friend's marriage truly the beginning of your own sea change?
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